What’s Best for the Child

RYAN: It’s you.

CERIDWEN: Good morning, Mr. Manning. Please. Sit down.

RYAN: Are you for real?

CERIDWEN: I am Agent Entwhistle, I’m with the FBI—

RYAN: Are you fucking with me?

CERIDWEN: I’m just here to do my job. Sir.

RYAN: Sir? It’s been ten years. Is this what you’ve been doing with yourself?

CERIDWEN: I’m here to talk about the incident—

RYAN: Yeah, I bet you are. Do they know?

CERIDWEN: They know. The ones who need to. They’re the FBI, it’s kind of their job.

RYAN: Did you really just call me “Sir”?

CERIDWEN: I thought you liked it when I treated you like an authority figure. I’m sorry, that was…

RYAN: You. That was you. And here I thought you were trying to be professional. It’s been ten years, Kerry.

CERIDWEN: I know exactly how long it’s been.

RYAN: Why even come back at all?

CERIDWEN: Maybe you haven’t been listening—

RYAN: This is the FBI. Surely, there are other people who could have come to do this.

CERIDWEN: I go where they send me.

RYAN: So I guess you just don’t even care, then? What do you expect me to tell her?

CERIDWEN: How about something like “The FBI had to talk to me about an incident at work.” Won’t she be excited?

RYAN: You don’t even want her to know that you’re here?

CERIDWEN: Do you? How’s Judith?

RYAN: Emphezema. Arthritis. Not too bad.

CERIDWEN: And that girl? The one who was there?

RYAN: What about her?

CERIDWEN: Is that enough small talk?

RYAN: We have a daughter together, Kerry. Nothing is small talk. Come on, you asked about my mom, you asked about my girlfriend—

CERIDWEN: I have a job to do.

RYAN: She asks about you. You wanna know what I tell her?

CERIDWEN: Is it anything like what you said to me? Before I left?

RYAN: Why did you come back? Is this really what you want to do? Is that why you left?

CERIDWEN: I was sixteen. You were an authority figure, like it or not—is that something you expected me to just live with? God dammit, Ryan, what did you want? I was sixteen! Did you really want me raising her with you? I did exactly what they tell sixteen-year-olds to do when they get pregnant: I gave her up. And I moved on. You were the one who wanted to keep her.

RYAN: And you never looked back.

CERIDWEN: Are you upset that I left her or that I left you?

RYAN: Do you ever even think about her?

CERIDWEN: Yes!

RYAN: Then why didn’t you come back? I mean, look at you, you’re… don’t they give you any vacation time?

CERIDWEN: Kids need stability.

RYAN: I’m not asking you to be her mom. You’re not. But you are her mother.

CERIDWEN: What have you told her?

RYAN: Well, you know me. I named her “Elspeth”, for crying out loud. What did you expect me to say? That you gave her up? That you cared more about yourself?

CERIDWEN: That I’d let an older man knock me up?

RYAN: You think that’s the part that would matter? To her? Coming from the one who stayed?

CERIDWEN: So what did you tell her?

RYAN: I’ve told her lots of different things. Told her you were abducted by aliens.

CERIDWEN: Oh, Gods.

RYAN: I told her you were actually a fairy and you couldn’t exist in this realm for more than a year.

CERIDWEN: How old is she again?

RYAN: Just starting to grow out of that. She is my daughter, after all. And I can’t vouch for what my mom’s told her, but… I think she’s gotten it in her head I don’t really like talking about you.

CERIDWEN: Yet here we are.

RYAN: You need to meet her.

CERIDWEN: I don’t think that would be a good idea.

RYAN: Well, tough. She needs to meet you. I have bought the ring. For Melanie. But she needs to meet you, too. No matter what else happens.

CERIDWEN: We do need to talk about the incident.

RYAN: Will you meet your daughter?

CERIDWEN: You can’t exactly give me an ultimatum.

RYAN: Watch me.


“Nights in White Satin”

Declan fell in love with Raven the minute he laid eyes on her.

Actually, scratch that. They were fourteen and he would’ve called it love, but that doesn’t mean I have to.

Raven was everything that Declan thought he wanted in a lover. And lover is the term he used, but only to himself because the world would judge him. Raven was dark—of course—and she was a shy, quiet type, but with an attitude, you know, like an edge. But at the same time, whenever a teacher called on her, she had the most bizarre take on things.

“Who won the battle of Gettysburg?” asked the History teacher.

Raven answered, “The crows.”

There were giggles and snickers about the crazy emo goth chick, but Declan thought she was fabulous. The way she never made eye contact, like she was just above it all, the fact that she was always reading.

It was the mystery of her. How no one could ever possibly get in her head. A “challenge” some might call her, but for Declan she was something more. She had something, he thought. Something that he needed.

“Are you alone for a reason?” he asked when he reached her table with his tray.

“Safe bet,” she snarked.

“Do you want to be alone?”

She shrugged. He sat.

“Mind if I talk at you for a second?”

“Just one?”

“Could go sixy. Could go longer.”

She frowned at him.

“Do you mind, though? I just want to talk at you. You don’t have to listen.”

Some folks talk, some folks listen. Some folks don’t even try to do that. Raven did them one better, tried not to. Just shrugged and went back to her book.

“See, I got this theory,” said Declan, “that you’re good at something, but you don’t want people to know. Or you don’t need them to. I think you can sing.”

This caught her attention.

“And I think if you tried, you could sing pretty well. Well enough to make people notice.”

There was a flicker in her eyes. He could tell he was getting through to her, but he didn’t know yet what that meant. Worst case, he thought, I’m pushing too hard, I’m an asshole. But he found he could live with that, given the stakes.

“But I don’t think you want people to notice,” he said. “You want people to leave you alone, right?”

She looked away and said “I have a girlfriend.”

Quietly, with dignity, Declan’s world shattered. “Oh,” he said. “OK.”

“Just in case you were hitting on me.”

He had been, of course, but in a rather roundabout way. He’d been looking for an excuse to approach her and Angst had provided him that. If it turned out she couldn’t sing and didn’t want to, he could still use that as a jumping-off point. But now that that was off the table, though…

“Would your girlfriend mind if you were in a band?”

There was that frown again. “What kind of band?”


Whitewashing the Ghost

SPOILER ALERT: The following is not a spoiler-free review of the new live-action Ghost in the Shell, but rather a kind of essay on the controversies sparked by it. For this reason, I will be discussing some of the facets of the film which might be considered spoilers for those who haven’t seen it but wish to.

There’s been a lot of controversy surrounding the live-action remake of the classic animé “Ghost in the Shell”. It premiered last weekend to abysmal reviews and receipts and now aparently, the studio is blaming the film’s failure on the “whitewashing controversy”.

Notice that it’s “because of whitewashing controversy”, though, rather than “because of whitewashing”. Like the movie would’ve been just fine if those meddling millennials hadn’t bitched about it.

Is it possible that we made a big deal out of this thing that shouldn’t have been a big deal? In the run-up to the film’s release, one site went to Japan and asked a bunch of Japanese people their opinion on the casting of this live-action adaptation of their classic. They didn’t seem to mind. “She’s a good actress,” was the consensus, “and animé characters look a lot more like white people anyway.”

But this response from Japan should not have been taken as a green light for the studio to greenlight this picture. This is not because white people “obviously” know more about marginalization than anyone else—it’s because Japanese people living in Japan are not the ones being marginalized.

One of the arguments that’s come up quite a bit here is that “Hollywood shouldn’t have to go to Asia to fill this role,” and you’re right, they shouldn’t, because guess what: there are plenty of Asian American actors right here who could have fit the bill. Plenty. Japanese people living in Japan have their own movies they can be in, where they can play their parts to national and even international acclaim. But for the 1.3 million people of Japanese descent living here in the U.S., Hollywood is the venue for movie roles, and Hollywood is not allowing them to shine.

Now, I want to be fair here. There has been some question over whether or not Ghost in the Shell should be held up as the poster child for this controversy. There are other movies that have done a more egregious job—in fact I would say that there was one in the last few months, The Great Wall, that could be put to this use better, albeit in a different way. Similarly, there have been controversies in the Marvel Universe over both Tilda Swinton’s character in Doctor Strange and Finn Jones in the title role of Iron Fist. Going back further, we had Emma Stone in the movie Aloha pretending to be part Asian and Hawaiian even though she has no such ancestry. We’ve had several cases of white people playing characters who should have been Asian: Mackenzie Davis in The Martian, Clea Duvall in Argo and Jim Sturgess in 21, the latter two being parts based on real people who were Asian. Jim Sturgess gets another black mark here for one of the roles he played in Cloud Atlas, but this is where I must give caveats.

Cloud Atlas is, in my opinion, a magnificent film. It spans six stories set over several hundred years that intercut with each other fluidly, and most of the actors in the film play parts in each of the stories. This gives the audience the impression that these characters are being reincarnated into different, yet similar roles throughout the span of the film’s history. It’s not for everyone because it’s terribly complicated, but for those of us who have the constitution, it is breathtaking, and it simply would not have the impact that it does if some characters weren’t cast against race. I suppose it could have been cast differently. They could have had all of Jim Sturgess’s characters played by an actor of Asian descent, but that would have caused a lot of subtle problems. When Jim Sturgess appeared as Hae-Joo Chang in the Seoul plotline, Doona Bae’s Sonmi-451 was the protagonist, and he merely the love interest in her story. To cast an Asian actor as Hae-Joo Chang, they would have to have put him in whiteface as Adam Ewing, which would have felt more unnatural, as Adam Ewing was the protagonist of his own plotline in the movie. This is not to say that the decision they made was perfect, but to attack Jim Sturgess on the basis of Cloud Atlas would be counterproductive, especially considering the atrocity that was his role in 21.

Now, in general, among the examples named above (excluding the semantic maze that is Cloud Atlas) there are two separate but essentially equal controversies that play into this problem. The first is the straight-up whitewashing itself, of taking a character who should be Asian and casting a white person instead. But one of the things that plays into that is the appropriation inherent in creating a white character in an environment or with attributes that suggest Asian influence to the point of appropriation. This is the problem with The Great Wall and perhaps also with Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai. We have to ask ourselves “Why is this character even here?” The implication with those kinds of movies is that audiences need a white character to make the Asian setting digestible. And this may be true for a “mainstream” American audience, but audiences can be trained. How many movies have been headed by Jet Li, Jackie Chan and even Bruce Lee, back in his considerably more (openly) racist day? How many parts have gone to Lucy Liu that could have easily gone to white women? Did she hurt the box office?

But the interplay between these two issues gives studios the excuse to consider the choice between whitewashing and appropriation as a “lesser of two evils” debate, giving them license to take the easy way out and cast a “sure thing” rather than help build an Asian American actor’s career. This seems to be more or less what happened mainly with Doctor Strange, but also to a certain extent Iron Fist. In both cases, Marvel justified their casting decisions by saying “it was either that or fall into offensive stereotyping”.

With Iron Fist, this would have given them an Asian character as the first martial-arts-based superhero in the MCU (not counting DareDevil or Black Widow, who have other primary gimmicks). And yes, that might have been somewhat offensive. But at least we would have had a legitimate Asian superhero character. What we got instead, though, was yet another “We need whitey to save us” narrative, and if we’re talking about dangerous stereotypes, I think that one takes the cake.

But there was something more specific going on in Doctor Strange. The character of the Ancient One was originally a Tibetan monk/mage of immense power, but instead they gave Tilda Swinton’s version nondescript “Celtic” origins. While this did end up playing nicely into some of the intricate symmetrical designs of the production, that should not be considered an excuse. Their excuse was the fact that they couldn’t cast a Chinese actor as a Tibetan character because it would have been offensive, but they also couldn’t keep the character as having a Tibetan background because—are you ready for this?—it would have antagonized China. Now, it’s unrealistic to think that Hollywood is simply going to ignore the biggest and still fastest-growing marketplace in the world, especially when it comes to this kind of high-dollar tent-pole, but once again, this is an example of shifting the blame for the white-washing, for the marginalization of Asian American actors, to their Asian country of origin. To think that this is Hollywood making excuses is actually the best-case scenario here—the worst is that China actually does think that way, and we are giving in to their racism and political games for the promise of more money.

This doesn’t seem to be exactly what happened in the case of Ghost in the Shell, but it isn’t far off. From what I gathered before the film’s release, their excuse for casting Scarlett Johansson was the classic “she was the best person for the role”, followed, after accusations of whitewashing, by “we couldn’t find anyone of Asian descent who would work for it.”

But then I did some calculations in my head and I realized that this character she plays is a robot, as is clear not only from the trailer but also from watching the original. I started to have an idea of how this might go down in a way that would be, at the very least, interesting—perhaps even to the point of redeeming the film itself. I was wrong, but the reason why I was wrong was the impetus for this essay.

The big twist in the movie comes when Scarlett Johansson’s character “Major” realizes that the reason she doesn’t remember anything about her life before the accident that led to her human brain being put in an android body, is because she was part of a local anti-establishment insurgency movement. After she was captured, her death was faked and her identity stolen. What makes the white-washing, then, particularly egregious in this case is the fact that we have here a Japanese woman literally being poured into a white woman’s body.

This seems to have fueled the PC ire against the movie, but it still got me thinking “That is the greatest possible metaphor for what’s been happening.” A Japanese woman cast into a white woman’s body. Not only that, but we can take it even further: an American weapons manufacturing company (ostensibly Japanese in the film, but run by a white guy—I’ll get to that) kidnaps a Japanese woman and turns her white. That is essentially the metanarrative of yellowface. It’s what the entire controversy is built on. If they had hung a big enough lantern on that issue, really driven home the wrongness of that, the movie could have been an instant classic and the studio might have funded a good half dozen sequels from the SJW dollars alone.

But they didn’t. That would’ve been a nice movie, but it’s not the movie they chose to make.

It gets worse, in my opinion. The film takes place in Japan. I do not believe the city is specified, but we will say for the sake of argument that it is Tokyo. Despite the location, of all the characters in the movie, only one actually speaks in Japanese. This might be because the actor’s English wasn’t good enough or it could be because that character is the head of some sort of law enforcement agency answerable to the Japanese government (even though most of its members are not Japanese) but despite this thin justification, it poses some semantic problems. If it weren’t for this one Japanese-speaking character, we the audience might be able to tell ourselves “Oh, it’s Japan, so they’re all speaking Japanese, but they translated it into English for the movie” which might be odd considering all the white people and that black guy in the meeting, but well within the realm of possibility. When we’re watching movies about Ancient Rome, after all, we take it for granted that they are not all speaking English, because they’re Romans, but to have them all speaking in Latin would be as hard on the audience as it would be on the actors. Something like that would make sense in this case, but having one character who is speaking Japanese not only ruins it but serves to highlight the fact that everyone else isn’t speaking Japanese. This means that in this future-Tokyo (or wherever) most of the power lies with white people. Now, again, this could be viewed as an indictment—if they had gone that route; but I guess that would have been too complicated.

Even that, though, I personally could have lived with, except for the fact that there was one other character who was specifically supposed to be Japanese, but who didn’t speak it. I am referring of course to Major’s mother, who, even after she realizes that this woman who appears to be a gaijin is, in fact, her daughter, not only fails to acknowledge the whitewashing, but herself seems to erase Major’s backstory by continuing to refuse to speak to her in what was once her native language.

Again, there are ways that this might have been explained away, but such explanations would have rung hollow and anyway, none were given.

The bottom line is, next time Hollywood decides to make a live-action version of this story, they ought to cast Jessica Henwick as Major. When they inevitably reboot Iron Fist, it should be written for Harry Shum Jr. And if you really can’t cast a Chinese or Tibetan person as The Ancient One, then for crying out loud, bring in Aishwarya Rai or somebody.


(Don’t) Light My Fire

I went up North as far as North would go. I drove North unti even I could afford to turn off the AC, and then I went further. I wanted to go all the way. I figured if I drove till the road ran out and then made more road till my car couldn’t manage and walked, maybe I could keep people safe. Leave me alone at the top of the map to melt the icecaps.

But I couldn’t drive forever. Cars don’t work like that, and neither do people.

Most girls wouldn’t have stopped at the place that I stopped at. Too far from the main roads, too much rough, too much tumble. But there was a gas station and a restaurant/bar type place and I’m not the one you should be worried about.

“Get you something warm to eat?” asked the waitress.

I ordered a salad.

“You sure, hon? Want some coffee?”

“Water. Extra ice.”

She seemed concerned, but was trained well enough, I guess, not to question.

I noticed people looking at me. They’d been looking since I first came in, but I’d busied myself at taking in my new surroundings. Now the Gaze was deafening. I tried not to meet it. I tried to look out the window or play with my thumbs, but there was a loud noise and I turned and I caught his eyes on me.

Please don’t flirt with me, I wanted to tell him, but I knew it wouldn’t do me any good. I could tell. I knew his type. So I watched him walk towards me like watching a train speed towards a broken bridge without even blowing the horn in acknowledgement of impending doom.

“Hey,” he said.

Really, it was all he had to say. “Hey,” I said back.

He took it as an invitation, sat down, asked routine questions. Where you from? Where you headed? What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this all by your lonesome? I can take care of myself, I insist, but I keep telling myself that and then having the same conversations with this exact guy.

“You wanna get out of here?” That’s the question, isn’t it? What do I want? But that question is game over. Which makes it that much more embarrassing that this time, I was the one asking it. What was I thinking? Why was I giving in? What kind of girl was I?

Was I giving in, or was I giving up? Fine, some part of me thought on the way out to his truck after he’d paid for my food. Fine, if this is the person I’m going to be, maybe I should just be her.

Or maybe I thought that only feeling lukewarm in the cold here would make some kind of difference. Not having any real feelings for him, not being excited—what if there was a cure and this was it?

But I knew it was a fool’s hope, so I tried to justify it to myself.

“No,” I told him after he’d lifted me into the back seat. “Keep the door open.”

From the glint of his eye, he must’ve thought it was kinky, and I filed that glint away under lechery as an excuse for what awaited him. If he’d closed the door behind him once I’d said that, that would’ve been reason enough, I told myself. Disrespect. Right? But I was still cool when he kissed me.

I couldn’t stay cool for long. Think of every place he could have touched me in those first, like, thirty seconds, as touching a lit match to a piece of paper. Waves of heat rippling out under my skin. Forget the AC, I needed arctic waters for this. And then the moment of consummation—that would have to be like pulling the trigger on a flame thrower. I made sure I was on top for that, cold night air brushing over my bare back, keeping my temperature low.

He seemed to be enjoying it. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe that could be enough for me, to live vicariously through his enjoyment of my flesh—hadn’t that been the way for millions of Victorian women? But that’s not how things work for me.

“Stop,” I whispered in his ear when I felt the cold winds start to fail, then louder,” slow down. “I needed to ease up. Maybe if I just stayed at a simmer…

But he didn’t slow down and he didn’t stop. I tried to pull away. “Please,” I said—not for my sake, but for his, and it took every ounce of wilpower because it’s not what I wanted. “Please—“

He didn’t listen—instead he did my all-time favorite thing: he flipped me on my back, never disengaging. He pinned me down and breathed hot air into my cheek as he pounded away.

It was not what I wanted—no, it was exactly what I wanted—no…

My arm shot out above me, reached for the window over my head, for the cold glass, but if there was any cold left on the window, it could no longer reach me.

How could he stand it? How could he not notice what was happening to me? Pushing him away had netted me nothing, so I pulled him close and kissed him goodbye on the collarbone. He had brought this on himself, I justified it. He should’ve stopped when I told him. Did I really believe that? Do I believe it now? I try to take comfort in the fact that the next girl he tried that on would not have enjoyed it, rather than the fact that I did. Because the fact that I did had consequences.

By the time I’d cooled off, there was nothing left of him. Charred and twisted bits of metal and plastic turned the snow black for twenty feet in any direction from where I lay naked in the parking lot. I covered myself with my hands, not against the cold but under the delusion that by keeping myself from being seen, I could prevent this from happening again.


The Entity

I keep wanting to write something about the first moment that an entity becomes aware.

Where does “awareness” start? How does it even happen?

Imagine an Entity with no memories. Fully-formed, yet completely new to the world, a blank slate of impressions.

What’s the first sensation it perceives? Is it the sand beneath it? The sun, up above? Is it even capable of distinguishing between the coarse texture at its back and the heat, or will it take a breeze, a sudden shift in temperature, a gust ruffling the texture of its skin, to provide enough context to make it realize it can feel.

If the wind does blow over it, will that make it stir? At what point will the Entity even realize that it has a body? That it’s capable of movement?

Its eyes are closed—must we posit that it has eyes? It has eyes, and they are closed. They are turned, though, up towards the heavens. As the sun shines down on its eyelids, it turns its field of vision red. But does the Entity even notice?

What is “sight”? What keeps us in our heads? If there was no sight and no sound, would we still think of our belly and our chest and our genitals as being “down”? Or would we live there, in the center of ourselves, only to be summoned upwards once we needed sight? Or is it our brain, perhaps, holding us prisoner? If our brains were in all belly, would we still think through our heads, just because those have the most sensory organs?

Perhaps the Entity must have some basic instinct. It should know just enough to be able to move when it has to, to react instinctively. Maybe it will even know to open its eyes—

Then what will happen once the new eyes are opened? What a sensory flood that would be! In the silence of the desert, to be suddenly flooded with light! Would it know the difference? It must.

But what will happen when it looks down at its body? Will it even recognize its own contours? Again, contrast. If a part of it wiggles, perhaps in response to outside stimuli, will it feel that change? Yes, and then it will know, it will know that is a part of its body. But what if it then looks out, looks up, and sees a withered tree against the backdrop of the sky? Will it recognize that the tree is different? How disappointed will the Entity be when it realizes it cannot wiggle those branches?


A Game of Cat and Moose

Once upon a time, there was a bisexual cat named Don Arminigo who was very good at hunting mouses. He would catch them, he would torture them; sometimes, if he got bored, he would eat them, but more often he would let them go. He had noticed that once he let them go, they became more of a challenge. And he liked a good challenge.

But the Insignificant Humans squatting in his palace were fearful of the mouses. They set traps for them, which Don Arminigo found quite distasteful. And one day, a particularly bold but stupid mouse Don Arminigo had caught, told him “This is the last time, Don Arminigo! Your masters are putting down poison and we’re all going to take it, because we’re all so sick of you!”

Once Don Arminigo had figured out whom the small creature meant as his “masters” (it had to be the Insignificant Humans! *scoff*) he was quite upset. But he got the better of those mouses—he found the rat poison in the pantry and he ripped it open, spoiling the Insignificant Humans’ plans.

“We can’t have that stuff in the house around Fluffy,” the broad one with the bald face said. “It’s too dangerous!” Fluffy was what Don Arminigo suffered the Insignificant Humans to call him.

And so it was that Don Arminigo protected his domain.

But he grew tired of chasing the mouses. Even the smartest and most agile of them were no match for his strength. He needed better prey. Larger and more terrifying. Which is why he trained the Insignificant Humans to leave the window open for him at night.

In the forest outside his palace, there lived an extraordinary Moose named Janet. She was eight feet tall and had antlers that could beat most trees in a fist-fight. “Antlers?” her friends would ask, “But I thought only male Moose had antlers!” Then she would turn her nose up at them and dare them to question her gender identity.

When Don Arminigo heard of this magnificent creature, of her grace and majesty, he knew no other beast on earth could slake his lust for blood. He saw her through the trees one autumn evening, munching on local leaves, and carefully plotted an attack until finally he threw himself out of the underbrush, leapt up onto her shins and clawed at the fur there like catnip.

It was several seconds before Janet the Moose even realized that anything was the matter. Assuming that the ticklish itch just over her ankle must be foliage, she lifted it up and then noticed it was still itching and finally looked.

“Ha-ha!” said Don Arminigo the bisexual cat. “I have caught you at last!”

“Oh dear,” said Janet the Moose. “I guess I’m in trouble now.”

“You have guessed rightly!” said Don Arminigo, renewing his assault on the rough fur.

Janet, now that she understood what was happening down there, soon realized she found the sensation quite pleasant. But, fearful that the valiant little hunter might stop or lose interest, she yawned “Oh, please, sir! Please! Not there! Not there! Oh, no!”

Satisfied that he had triumphed, Don Arminigo returned to the palace, where the Insignificant Humans had placed his food out for him as a reward for his bravery and skill.

This episode repeated for several nights as Don Arminigo ventured out and never noticed that Janet the Moose crept subtly closer to his domain, to cut down on his travel time. But then one day, Don Arminigo overheard the Insignificant Humans talking around their table.

“I’mana git that Moose!” said the furry-faced one, “He’s gon’ be food this winter and a nice fur coat for Betsy!”

The small, fast one’s face turned red at this and Don Arminigo grew fearful. Would they really do it? Would they really steal his prize? He found this most distressing.

That night, when he came upon Janet in the Glade just the other side of the fence from the property, Don Arminigo wondered how he could go about tricking the large, stupid beast into making it to safety.

“Gee,” said Janet, who had noticed Don Arminigo in the underbrush and wondered what was taking him so very long. “I wonder where that magnificent predator is! Maybe he’s forgotten about me! I hope he doesn’t come to me tonight! Maybe he’s lost the knack for tracking me!”

Unable to withstand such a taunt, Don Arminigo leapt out of the bushes with a fervor spurred by fear, crying “Aha! You thought you were safe, but I will show you how unsafe you are!”

“Oh, no!” yawned Janet, as Don Arminigo ventured further up her fur than he had ever dared till then.

“I’ll teach you!” cried Don Arminigo, “I’ll teach you to come close enough to my palace that the Insignificant Humans can see you!”

But at the mention of Humans, Janet’s eyes went wide and dilated. “Humans!” she exclaimed, and with Don Arminigo on her back, she charged back into the wilderness, never to return.

And there, far from the Insignificant Humans and their various schemes to thwart Don Arminigo’s natural instincts, Janet the Moose and Don Arminigo the Bisexual Cat lived happily ever after as cat and moose.


Factasy

When I was writing my first Master’s Thesis, which was on using Semiotics to define the difference between Science Fiction and Fantasy, I found a typo in one draft that caught my attention: I had spelled “Fantasy” with a “c” where the “n” should go. I burst out laughing when I found it. I thought that was a beautiful word, potentially a portmanteau in the making. So I defined it.

It would be easy in the current political climate to find a decisive use for it and turn it to derogatory uses, and I am well aware that this will happen if the term ever takes off, but I still want to root the idea in something real, something that could have its uses in something approaching intellectual pursuits, if not quite (yet) academia.

The definition is as follows: a work of Factasy is a work of fiction that pretends to base itself on actual-world sources. One of my favorite examples is Susanna Clarke’s novel Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Clarke uses footnotes to quote and reference sources on the study of magic. These sources are so convincing in their detail that it took me a good three hundred pages to remember that there had never, in our actual world, been a Raven King ruling the North of England for several centuries after the Middle Ages.

But on the other hand we have novels like The Da Vinci Code. It was very popular, but I didn’t like it. Part of the reason I didn’t like it was because it seemed to play fast and loose with its sources, which put it on uneasy footing. It’s one thing to have an expert in a field make discoveries over the course of a novel of “facts” that aren’t representative of any reality outside that novel, but the sources in Dan Brown’s most popular novel were confusing enough that I never figured out which sources he made up and which I could track down myself and read, if I took a fancy. And that was very dissatisfying to my reading experience in the long run—perhaps in part because I wanted so much to believe the version of reality that he presented.

So if I were to write up an instruction manual as how to incorporate aspects of Factasy in one’s work of fiction, my first bit of advice would be to be absolutely clear from the beginning on the relationship between the world and the sources. If they are tongue-in-cheek and all-encompassing like Clarke’s, then commit to them fully, but if your main character is a “world-renowned expert” in the field in question, and there is nothing utterly different about the world (i.e. if this is or could be the world we are living in) don’t be casual with the Factastical sources. Be careful. Be respectful of reality.


Deer in the Headlights

He likes to go hunting. He’s got his dogs, he’s got his boys, he’s got his guns. He likes deer and so does his wife—fresh venison really gets her going and after three kids in three years, not much else does.

It makes him eager. Eager in all the wrong ways.

He follows a buck and doesn’t even realize how hopelessly lost he is until he misses his shot. As the prey walks off, he curses and turns around. He calls out. There is no answer. He fires in the air. No one around fires back, or calls. He’s alone in the woods.

That’s where he finds her. At the bottom of a waterfall, in a pool by a spring, he finds her bathing. He doesn’t believe his eyes at first—why would he? What would a young woman like that be doing way the hell out here? At first all he sees is a human shape, beautifully light-skinned, with dirty-blonde hair flowing around it in the water. Curious, he moves closer.

She steps out of the water and he can tell, right there, dear God, she’s completely naked. She emerges from the water with perfect form, poised, only her wet hair clinging to her skin down her back. She seems so small…

Suddenly, she stops moving. Slowly, she turns around and he becomes self-conscious. He calls out to her, “Hey, what you doing out here?”

He doesn’t want to bring up her nakedness. He thinks maybe if he just doesn’t bring it up, she’ll think he just hasn’t noticed.

But now she’s turned to him and he can see her face. That face… she looks so young. Why, the girl can’t be more’n fourteen, could she? No breasts to speak of, no hips really, either, and yet what seems like a small thatch of—

Why is he looking?

“Look, hey, uh…” he begins again, “If you’re lost or something…”

She’s completely turned towards him now. She takes a step forward, leading from her shoulders and he finds himself raising his gun at her, at this poor helpless girl. He catches himself, then, lowers it back down.

He desperately tries to keep looking her in the eyes. He swallows.

“Do you like what you see?” she asks.

This is a trick question and he knows it. He knows what he should say, something along the lines of “Come on now, let’s get you home,” completely ignoring it. But instead, he finds himself saying “Yes.” Because he does like what he sees and he suddenly finds himself utterly incapable of lying.

She takes another step closer, landing at the edge of the water. “Do you like hunting?” she asks, much more enthusiastically, as though genuinely curious.

As she’s struggling to answer, she dips back into the water. “Yeah,” he concedes.

She asks him “And do you like to be hunted?” and at that moment, she disappears into the water.

Actually disappears. He cannot see her form beneath the waters, nor even a ripple above.

“Hey, you still there?” he calls. Then he thinks, somewhat benignly, But where are all her clothes?

The fact is, though, now he can’t even see her in the water.

The next thought to occur to him should be to wonder if the entire encounter was just some fever-dream caused by deprived horniness and guilt for it, but this is a thought that doesn’t occur to him because it doesn’t have a chance to. Because before it has a chance to, pain shoots out of nowhere across his entire body. I hate my name, he thinks, at the same time thinking that he’s melting.

But soon enough, the pain is over. His clothes lie in a pile next to him on the ground where he stands on his four legs and raises his antlers high. He likes being a deer, he thinks. His wife likes deer. He finds something on the ground to munch on until his dogs and his boys with their guns track him down and shoot him.

His clothes and gun are found, but his body never is—at least not officially. Though his wife is given a leg of venison to share with the children, and his friends make sure she’s taken care of for the rest of her life.


“We Don’t Care”

Blake Morrissey was not the only black kid at Trinity High but it sure felt that way sometimes. Especially being the only black kid in the tri-state area (whatever the fuck that meant, but it sure felt like it) who doesn’t listen to rap.

But when they catch him listening to Funkadelic or to Lenny Kravitz or Jimi the hell Hendrix, they screw up their faces and ask him “Boy, why you listening to that white people music?”

He looks at them like Are you kidding me?

“This is Ben Harper,” he’ll say, or whatever, try to turn the tables on them. “You don’t know Ben Harper? Shi-it.”

“Man,” said Mike Cobb one time, “You really oughta get the fuck outta rock, man. I’m telling you.”

“Black people started rock’n’roll music. We founded it, that’s our baby. Then white folks come in, pour bleach on it, give it surgery, some shit, and what? We s’posed to just walk away? That’s our baby, dude! You don’t walk away from no damn baby. Besides, you never heard of Eminem? You ask any white person name five rappers, you know who they say? Every one of them goes for Eminem. Maybe even Vanilla fucking Ice. Probably round off with the Fresh Prince. Yeah, you heard me. But you think they listen to Dr. Dré? Snoop? Biggie? Tupac? Nah, man.”

Mike Cobb crossed his over-sized arms. “Do you?”

It was a sore spot for Blake socially, possibly even more so than the cutesyness of his given name, which far too many people just simplified to “Black”.

It was also what made him nervous when he heard that Angst was forming.

“Black folks got rhythm, right?” he’d said recently, spinning one stick. “So when’s the last time you heard of a black drummer in a rock’n’roll band? Man, they go bitchin’ and bitchin’ and bitchin’, just bitch bitch bitch about ‘can’t find drummers worth a shit’—you hear the shit they talked about Ringo back in the day? Ringo! That ain’t right! It’s a public service, me taking up the drums. Gonna do for drums what Jimi did for gui-tar.”

That wasn’t the real reason he’d taken up drums. He actually had a thing for a girl in the school band, Marjorie, a white girl, nice girl, turned out to be gay, though, long story. But once he was in it, he actually kinda liked it, and once he heard there were freshmen wanting to start a band—

“Hey,” Declan finally approached him. “You’re Blake, right?”

He endeared himself by not pausing over the irony in the name. My brother, later on, was not so gracious.

“You play the drums, right?”

“Who’s askin’?” Though, of course, by then he’d heard some stuff.

“I hear you like Rock, lot of the old stuff?”

“I like Rock’n’Roll,” said Blake. “Don’t know how I feel about the ‘Rock’, though. Seems to me it doesn’t roll much anymore.”

“You down to give it a shove?”

Blake liked the repartee. “What’s in it for me?”

“Right now, not a damn thing other than the music.”

Liked the honesty, too. “I’ll think about it.”

“Take your time.”

But it only took him about five minutes to decide.


The Faces of Sayuni

Sayuni had two faces, one either side of his head.

He stood in the middle and when he looked around, he had no idea.

He couldn’t tell what was where.

An Old Woman came to Sayuni out of the Void.

She carried two Eggs.

She told Sayuni to watch the two Eggs for her until she returned.

Then she disappeared back Beyond the Veil.

As Sayuni stood scratching his head, one of the Eggs shook.

It hatched and out popped Tychael, a young woman full-grown.

This is was bad news for Sayuni–he was supposed to watch the Eggs.

He should probably get word to the Old Woman, he thought.

So he said to Tychael: “You, Newborn, go find the Old Woman!”

But he had two faces and no idea.

That’s why Sayuni sent Tychael out the Wrong Way.

Sayuni waited a long time for Tychael to return.

While he waited, he got hungry.

So he ate the second Egg.