Scarlett Letters

JORDAN: Good morning. Sleep OK?

SCARLETT: What the fuck are you doing here?

JORDAN: Oh, uh… shit. Shit, do you, like… Do you not remember?

SCARLETT: Remember what? Fucking you? Yeah, that I remember.

JORDAN: Oh, thank God.

SCARLETT: What I was asking was, what are you still doing here?

JORDAN: Um… waking up?

SCARLETT: Nope. Uh-uh.

JORDAN: You expect me to still be asleep?

SCARLETT: I expected you to leave in the middle of the night. Have some fucking decency!

JORDAN: I’m sorry, I didn’t know.

SCARLETT: Oh my God, please tell me this wasn’t your first one night stand.

JORDAN: I mean…

SCARLETT: Jesus Fuck!

JORDAN: Sorry, I wasn’t aware there was, like, a protocol.

SCARLETT: Do you ever watch movies? Like, ever? Or even TV?

JORDAN: Uh. Yeah, actually, I do.

SCARLETT: The guy always leaves in the middle of the night. Or the girl, if it’s his place.

JORDAN: Yeah, except then the girl’s always upset, like they’re always complaining, why couldn’t he stick around?

SCARLETT: Are you serious? The fuck kinda movies you been watching? What kind of needy-ass—You know what? I’m over it. I don’t care. You need to leave.

JORDAN: OK, I get it, I’m sorry.

SCARLETT: Don’t be “sorry”, just…

JORDAN: What’s the big hurry, anyway?

SCARLETT: I’d rather not talk. That’s kinda the point.

JORDAN: Wait, you don’t… Is there something I should know about?

SCARLETT: Uh. No?

JORDAN: No, but like… do you… do you have a boyfriend? I don’t know why I didn’t think to ask last night—

SCARLETT: How is that any of your business?

JORDAN: Because I had sex with you and I need to know—

SCARLETT: Oh, fuck that!

JORDAN: I need to know because—listen to me—if you are trying to keep this a secret from someone—

SCARLETT: I don’t care if he finds out!

JORDAN: So there is someone.

SCARLETT: I told you: it is none of your business.

JORDAN: I did have fun last night—

SCARLETT: I am not sleeping with you again.

JORDAN: Well, I’m sorry.

SCARLETT: Oh my God, that is not what I meant! Look, hold on, no, you don’t just walk out on a line like that!

JORDAN: You want me to stay?

SCARLETT: No, I want—Ugh!

JORDAN: What?

SCARLETT: This isn’t about you!

JORDAN: OK.

SCARLETT: Look, last night was fine. You were great, whatever. Was it the best sex I ever had? No. But it was fine. Did I want it to happen? Did I want you to come over? Yes. Was I using you for revenge?… I don’t know, maybe a little bit, but that’s not for you to worry about. I didn’t want you to spend the night, but whatever, it’s not that big of a deal, but I need you to leave now because I cannot handle this kind of emotional labor first thing in the goddamn morning!

JORDAN: I’m not asking you for emotional labor—

SCARLETT: Oh, bullshit!

JORDAN: No, I’m not—

SCARLETT: You and your grandstanding and apologizing for sleeping with me, like you committed some crime—

JORDAN: You seemed upset—

SCARLETT: A one-night stand is not a fucking crime!

JORDAN: Well, I didn’t know that’s what this was! I’ve never done this before. I didn’t want you waking up and… I didn’t want to be that guy. You know.

SCARLETT: Great, so now I’m the bad guy.

JORDAN: That’s not what I meant.

SCARLETT: Isn’t it? I’m the slut. Right?

JORDAN: I don’t blame you for anything you did. I just need to know that we’re on the same page. ‘Cause right now… I’m not even sure we were reading the same book. All right, I’m gonna go. It was nice sleeping with you.

SCARLETT: Yeah, sure. Thanks.