WILL: Why do you think they call it the “Concessions Stand”?
NATTIE: I don’t know. Make up for all the bad movies we show?
WILL: How does that work?
NATTIE: I don’t know. Made sense in my head, though.
WILL: I think it’s because they know working back here is the most miserable job in the theatre. But oh, well, we have to do it, right?
NATTIE: You know, we don’t make any money off the tickets.
WILL: What, none at all?
NATTIE: Not for the first, like, four or five weeks or something. And after that, it’s just an increasing percentage thing.
WILL: So you’re telling me it’s only concessions that actually makes money?
NATTIE: We’re earning not just our pay, but box and door’s, too.
WILL: Thankless twats–
NATTIE: Careful what you say about twats, there, straight boy.
WILL: Like Jeffrey up at the door–the fuck was that about this morning? He’s too good for concessions now?
NATTIE: Wasn’t willing to make concessions.
WILL: Aw, snap–so he who whines loudest gets his way, is that it?
NATTIE: Yeah, or the manager’s pets.
WILL: I thought we were the manager’s pets.
NATTIE: We were. But Logan totally has a crush on Jeffrey, now.
WILL: That’s great, except for how Logan isn’t gay.
NATTIE: Says the straight boy.
WILL: Oh, please.
NATTIE: Who thought “Rue Paul” was a street in downtown Paris?
WILL: It’s what I get for taking French in high school. Even if he is, though, he’s never gonna get anywhere with Jeffrey!
NATTIE: Oh, you’re telling me the Waltzing Belgian is straight?
WILL: He’s European. He doesn’t have to be gay. Just weird. One thing I will say for concession stand:
NATTIE: Checking out chicks?
WILL: Hell, yeah.
NATTIE: Right there with you, cuz.
WILL: So, like, when you look at a chick, do you, like, compare her in your mind to yourself, like, in the mirror? Like, sizing her up?
NATTIE: Ew. Are we doing this? Seriously?
WILL: What? I think it’s a valid question. I’m… curious.
NATTIE: About lesbians? Shock and awe.
WILL: I just feel like… we can talk about this stuff, you know. Like if we weren’t already cousins, this would be weird.
NATTIE: Funny, I think it’s weirder because we’re cousins.
WILL: You see that?
NATTIE: Guess she doesn’t have to make concessions.
WILL: I know, right?
NATTIE: Grin that wipe off your face, man. Also, drool.
WILL: What? Look, but don’t touch, that’s a thing, right?
NATTIE: How ‘bout “look, but don’t salivate”?
WILL: How can you–I mean, that girl was–
NATTIE: Totally mine.
WILL: Wait, what?
NATTIE: Lesbian. For sure.
WILL: Dressed like that? Ow! Hey!
NATTIE: Hands off.
NATTIE: You really wanna go there? You really want to embarrass yourself like you did that time with Suzie whatserface?
WILL: Mathis, and she wasn’t gay, she just wouldn’t date me ‘cause I’m not a LaCrosse player.
NATTIE: Keep telling yourself that, breeder.
WILL: Oh, so, you wanna make this a bet?
NATTIE: No, I wanna make that girl a bet.
WILL: That’s what I meant.
WILL: I say she’s straight.
NATTIE: I say I can seduce her before you can.
WILL: Wait, what?
NATTIE: Mine’s more fun. Also, even if she is “straight”, girls are easy.
WILL: I’d like to point out that, in this instance, it’s not just the girl but the avid hardcore lesbian who’s objectifying women. Treating them like sex-objects–
NATTIE: Oh, I’m sure she has a personality, too. I’m just looking forward to, you know, getting to know the whole package.
WILL: I’d also like to point out that one of us was recently in a very intense and not-so-comfortable relationship that ended… rhymes with “madly”? And it’s not the one of us who currently has a penis.
NATTIE: OK, first of all, ew. And second–
NATTIE: I told you never to say her name.
WILL: Which I didn’t.
NATTIE: Which means: don’t ever fucking bring her up. Ever. Especially when it comes to, you know, talking about someone who could… help me get over it.
WILL: Yeah, OK. Guess I’m…
NATTIE: Being a dick?
WILL: Well, not being a gentleman, anyway.
NATTIE: You know, a real gentleman wouldn’t even make a bet.
WILL: What you talking about? Gentlemen totally make bets. they just make them on horse-races and cricket.
NATTIE: A real gentleman wouldn’t need to make a bet, because he would let the damsel in distress be the knight in shining armor to the hot chick who just walked in.
WILL: Aw, you sneaky burrito. I totally fell for it, too. Yeah, I’m not a gentleman, forget it. Man has needs.
NATTIE: Man has testicles, too. Seem to remember that from biology class a million years ago.
WILL: Bet that girl’s a biology major.
NATTIE: Yeah, still gay, though.
WILL: Yeah, whatevs.
Leave a Reply