NICK: What’s this? You uh… you working on a new drag thing?
HARLEY: Not exactly.
NICK: No? Then why’re you wearing a dress? Is it like a… like some kinky “let’s pretend to be a straight couple”… Is that even a thing?
HARLEY: Do you want it to be?
NICK: I mean… if that’s what you’re going for… Maybe a little role-play? I don’t know. It’s not really my—
HARLEY: Well, what if it’s not just roleplay.
NICK: Are you serious? Harvey—
HARLEY: No! No. I’m sorry. My name is Harley now.
NICK: OK, now you’re really starting to freak me out.
HARLEY: This is who I am. Nick. Nicky. This is the real me.
NICK: No. Nuh-uh. This is not—this?
HARLEY: This is me.
NICK: This is not you. OK? I know you, this is not even—that’s not even how you move! You’re all… What is this?
HARLEY: I’m a woman. Nick. I am a woman. I always have been.
NICK: I am not straight!
HARLEY: Are you in love with me? Do you remember what you told me when we first met? Do you remember what you told me when we first met? I said I didn’t get it. The whole gay thing. Do you remember what you said to me? You said if you love someone, what does it matter what’s between their legs?
NICK: How can that not matter?
HARLEY: Wow, Nick. Just… wow.
NICK: I’m sorry, but I like your body. OK? I like your penis. Are you gonna get the operation?
HARLEY: Not right away. It takes years.
NICK: You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you? When were you gonna tell me?
HARLEY: Well, I’m telling you now! OK? First. You are the first person I’m telling. Because that’s how I feel about you.
NICK: How long have you been planning this?
HARLEY: Planning this?
HARLEY: What, like it’s some, like, betrayal? Like, I’m getting all the senators together and making sure Mark Antony’s somewhere else?
NICK: I am trying very hard to take this seriously.
HARLEY: Oh? Oh! Wow, Nick. It really shouldn’t be that hard.
NICK: How do you expect me to react? Come home from work and my… my boyfriend’s decided he wants to be a girl?
HARLEY: No, Nick, your girlfriend has decided she wants to stop pretending to be a boy.
NICK: I don’t have girlfriends.
HARLEY: Well, thank you for your honesty, Nick. Give me a call if you decide to get over your cisprivilege.
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