Inappropriate

LYDIA: Do you know how to use that?

DARRYL: What, this?

LYDIA: It’s a fine weapon you have there.

DARRYL: Are you supposed to be holding that one? Isn’t that somebody’s prop?

LYDIA: I’m the prop-master. Well, assistant prop-master. Well, I was. On a different show. I know what I’m doing.

DARRYL: Well, OK. I guess that excuses your holding it—although I’m not convinced. But should you really be waving it around like that?

LYDIA: I’m not just “waving it around”. I’m testing the weight.

DARRYL: Is that even a thing?

LYDIA: Of course it’s a thing. You’ve got to know how it’s weighted if you’re going to be waving it around.

DARRYL: I thought you just said—

LYDIA: I know what I just said! I’m testing the weight.

DARRYL: Got it.

LYDIA: How’s yours?

DARRYL: I don’t know. I haven’t tested it.

LYDIA: I don’t believe you.

DARRYL: It’s fine.

LYDIA: Is it?

DARRYL: Why exactly are you testing the weight?

LYDIA: To fight you.

DARRYL: Oh. Of course. How silly of me.

LYDIA: Don’t you want to fight me?

DARRYL: I mean…

LYDIA: What? Is it because I’m a girl?

DARRYL: I think it’s more because I’m an actor and I’m trying to be conscious and aware of the fact that this is my prop, and I haven’t been trained in how not to hurt people when I’m using it.

LYDIA: So it is because I’m a girl. You assume you’ll be the one hurting me if anything goes wrong?

DARRYL: Yeah, OK, there might be a little bit of ohmychristshesgonnakickmyass going on here.

LYDIA: Hm. Honesty. From a male. How refreshing.

DARRYL: I do try.

LYDIA: Well, you’ll have to try harder, soon. Defend yourself!

DARRYL: You’re Lydia, right?

LYDIA: I am.

DARRYL: Kelly was so disappointed you were coming back. She’s been enjoying understudying for you.

LYDIA: Kelly isn’t as good of an actress as I am.

DARRYL: Well, she’s certainly not near as assertive. Well done.

LYDIA: Thank you.

DARRYL: We still shouldn’t be doing this.

LYDIA: Why ever not?

DARRYL: It’s not appropriate.

LYDIA: Oh, pish.

DARRYL: Pish?

LYDIA: Pish and piffle.

DARRYL: That doesn’t sound very nice.

LYDIA: People overestimate how nice I am.

DARRYL: Noted.

LYDIA: You’re Darryl, aren’t you?

DARRYL: I am.

LYDIA: Benvolio, isn’t it?

DARRYL: Whenever I can.

LYDIA: How on Earth don’t you have any fight scenes?

DARRYL: I mean, I draw my sword, but… I don’t know. They cut them out. Benvolio is supposed to be like the peacekeeper. It’s a Latin thing.

LYDIA: A Latin thing?

DARRYL: The name. “Benvolio”. “Ben” means “good” and the “volio” has to do with like wanting, like “benevolent”? Same root.

LYDIA: Huh. So you’re a pretty smart guy?

DARRYL: I mean… I’m in college.

LYDIA: I’m in high school.

DARRYL: So I gathered.

LYDIA: Are you a Freshman?

DARRYL: Rising Junior.

LYDIA: So am I. I mean, I’m old for a sophomore, ‘cause of circumstances, but…

DARRYL: You liking it?

LYDIA: School? No. Hell, no.

DARRYL: Going to college?

LYDIA: M-m. No.

DARRYL: ‘Cause you don’t like school?

LYDIA: That, and it’s expensive.

DARRYL: That is true.

LYDIA: I figure the people who should be going to college are the people who actually want to go to college. I’m not gonna be a doctor or a teacher or anything like that, so… It’s kinda wasted on me.

DARRYL: There are other reasons to go to college.

LYDIA: Like what?

DARRYL: Learning.

LYDIA: Learning what?

DARRYL: Anything.

LYDIA: If I really want to learn anything, I can hang out at the library, read it for myself. Not to mention, there’s the Internet?

DARRYL: There’s something about… college, though.

LYDIA: What is it?

DARRYL: I don’t know. Maybe you have to be into it. Hey, I thought we were done fighting.

LYDIA: Now we have something to fight about!

DARRYL: Oh, yeah? What are we fighting about?

LYDIA: Truth! Knowledge! Justice! I say that true knowledge isn’t found in books, it’s found in the human heart!

DARRYL: Well, then let’s cut out your heart and find out!

LYDIA: Oh, ew!

DARRYL: Was that too much? Hey!

LYDIA: Ha-ha! A hit! A very powerful hit!

DARRYL: Palpable hit.

LYDIA: Palatable hit!

DARRYL: That, too.

LYDIA: Are you getting distracted? Ow!

DARRYL: Oh, shit! Are you okay? Ow!

LYDIA: Ha-ha! I got you again!

DARRYL: No, seriously, though, are you all right? It looked like I got you in the eye.

LYDIA: I’ll survive!

DARRYL: I think we should stop now.

LYDIA: Coward!

DARRYL: I’d rather be branded a coward than actually skewer you.

LYDIA: I could skewer you first!

DARRYL: Lydia. Let me see. Oh, shit, that’s an actual scratch.

LYDIA: I’m okay. It didn’t actually break the skin.

DARRYL: You’ll be okay.

LYDIA: Do you have a crush on Sophia James?

DARRYL: Say what?

LYDIA: Do you?

DARRYL: Is it that obvious, or did Michelle blab?

LYDIA: I could blame it on Michelle, sure. I don’t know if it’s obvious, but… I noticed.

DARRYL: Does she know?

LYDIA: Do you want her to know?

DARRYL: Do you think it would do me any good?

LYDIA: I could find out for you, if you want.

DARRYL: Why?

LYDIA: You look like you’d be cute together. Do you think it’ll get infected?

DARRYL: I actually can’t even see it anymore.

LYDIA: Good. Until we meet again, villain!