Monthly Archives: March 2017

Robin Hood, Sheriff of Nottingham

It was over. The battle was won and Robin Hood had emerged the victor. After eight long years of fighting the corruption in his country, the oppression and abuse of his people, Robin Hood had knocked the Sheriff of Nottingham off his high horse, defeated Guy of Gisborne and even, yes, shaken the absolute hold Prince John had on his monarchy. By the time King Richard Lion Heart returned from his crusade, there was peace and a sense of justice. As a token of his gratitude for all that Robin had done, King Richard had Robin of Locksley, called “Hood”, named Sheriff of Nottingham.

The irony was not lost on the general public.

There was a problem, though. While their enemies had been thwarted in their immediate ambitions, problems still existed. There was still scarcity in the country; resources still flowed to the cities where most people lived while the people of Sherwood Forest wondered why their children still starved.

Robin Hood had proved to be a very effective leader at uniting the people against a common enemy, but now that he was in a position of power, he found that there was much more to governing than disposing of one’s enemies. Mouths needed to be fed, which meant that pockets needed to be lined, which means that coffers needed to be filled, and that was why the people had been taxed so hard.

“By why can’t we just put those taxes on the rich?” Robin Hood finally demanded of King Richard. “They have the money and the resources! They won’t starve if they help other people not starve.”

His exclamation was met with an icy stare. “They may have the money, but more importantly, they control the armies. They each have their own men. If I raid their personal treasuries, what do you think they’ll do to me? They will rally behind my brother and they will overthrow me.”

This was not an answer that Robin Hood could bring to his merry men. So when they asked him what the King had said, he answered that there were laws in place and that even the King was not above them.

But they had heard of laws before and knew how fragile they could be. He could not convince them that there was not enough food for them when they were the ones who were growing it. He could not convince them that they could not prevail when they had already come so far.

So he asked himself “What am I fighting for?” and realized the only person he was fighting was himself and he was fighting because he had become the system.

Robin Hood took off his badge and picked up his bow again.

“What are you doing?” demanded King Richard. “After all I have done for you, all the power I have given you, this is how you treat me?”

“I have seen what your power can do,” said Robin of Locksley. “It no longer impresses me. If you cannot provide the people with what they need, what good are you? What kind of King?”


“Peace Sells”

“What do you mean you’ve never heard of the Elk?”

That was the exclamation most freshmen were subject to on their first day at Trinity High School.

They were referring to Kyle’s band. I say Kyle’s band because they kept going back and forth on the name. Kyle wanted to call it “Elk Chords,” for reasons so esoteric he couldn’t even remember them himself five years later. Tommy, though, insisted that “Elk Strings” sounded better; it made more sense and it didn’t confuse people into thinking they were some lady-punk band called “Elle Chords”.

They were the only band at school—in fact, to the people at school it almost seemed sometimes like they were the only game in town. But I don’t care how little competition there is: if a band sucked, it would not have been as successful as the Elk.

Kyle was the genius. I’ve said, he brought us all together.

He laid out the foundation that we built on. He had the idea, he wrote the songs. His voice wasn’t great, but it didn’t have to be, ‘cause he was powerful. Charismatic.

I guess you could say Tommy was the marketing guy. He was down-to-Earth. He cared about what people thought of him, not for the sake of ego, but because he knew that’s the only way to make it in this world.

And then there was Mickey. Ah, Mickey. Why’d it have to be this way? Mickey was on drums not ‘cause he was good at it, but because he liked to hit things. He was more of a glorified fan-boy than anything else, even then, but he kept the beat and they never gave him anything too trying.

My sister was in love with them. That’s what she said, at least. Really, it was Kyle she was in love with. Aly always was a sucker for the silent, brooding type, even if he was an intellectual.

“I don’t like ‘em,” Declan declared when Jasper brought them up.

“What do you mean, you don’t like ‘em? You can’t not like ‘em, they’re Elk Chords.”

“They’re Elk Strings,” said Tommy’s little brother,” and they’re over-rated.”

“Look, I’m not saying they’re Acid Monsoon or anything, but I mean, come on.”

“Are you so hung up on the prospect of live music that you’d listen to meaningless shit like that?”

Now, Jasper really was offended. “It’s not meaningless…”

Declan rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Forget it.”

The truth was, Declan had never really listened to his brother’s band.

He hadn’t been allowed to go to any of their shows (“You’re too young to be out that late, sweetie.”)And when he asked to come to practice, Tommy just looked at him and walked away.

It gave Declan a very ill opinion of his brother and anything associated with him. Once he actually heard the Elk, he enjoyed them, mostly for Kyle’s message, but that was a long way off.

(To Be Continued…)


The Contemplation of Passion

ERICA: You’re kidding, right.

MARTIN: No. No, sadly, I’m not.

ERICA: But you’re like, hot. How could you not–

MARTIN: I don’t know. Just hasn’t happened yet.

ERICA: Are you gay? Well, are you?

MARTIN: I have a girlfriend. She’s still in high school.

ERICA: Well, you are a freshman… so I guess…

MARTIN: A Catholic high school. For girls.

ERICA: And you’re still not getting laid? Sorry, must be thinking of a different kind of Catholic schoolgirl.

MARTIN: I mean, we talked about it. The sex thing. We even… well… we kind of sexted a little bit one time.

ERICA: Oh, you bad, bad boy. Did you go to confession afterwards?

MARTIN: Hey, she’s the one who’s Catholic! Actually, not even her, it’s her parents who are Catholic.

ERICA: If she’s not Catholic, why hasn’t she fucked you for real?

MARTIN: Well… I mean, she is still in high school. And she’s only seventeen.

ERICA: So? North Carolina’s sex-age is sixteen, as long as you’re not more than four years older.

MARTIN: It’s three, actually.

ERICA: Three?

MARTIN: My mom’s a paralegal.

ERICA: Oh. Well, moving on. Look, the point is… it’s three years, really?

MARTIN: Yeah.

ERICA: Huh. But that still doesn’t explain why you haven’t fucked her! Huh?

MARTIN: I lied.

ERICA: So you’re not a virgin?

MARTIN: Oh, no, I’m… I mean I never had sex.

ERICA: So what’d you lie about? Is she not really your girlfriend?

MARTIN: Well… she was…

ERICA: Aw. Poor thing.

MARTIN: Now she’s kind of a lesbian.

ERICA: And she’s at a Catholic girls’ school?

MARTIN: Yeah.

ERICA: It’ll pass. So that means you don’t have a girlfriend who’s a Catholic school lesbian?

MARTIN: No.

ERICA: Then why the fuck are you still a virgin?

MARTIN: Ow.

ERICA: You are gay, aren’t you? Hot, nice 18-year-old virgin? You’re totally gay.

MARTIN: Why the hell does everyone keep thinking that?

ERICA: Come on, honey. How many Musicals have you been in?

MARTIN: I do them so that I can meet girls!

ERICA: And how’s that working out for you?

MARTIN: They keep casting me as the bad guy…

ERICA: And you still can’t get laid?

MARTIN: I just haven’t found the right girl yet.

ERICA: OK, now I know you’re gay.

MARTIN: It’s gay for a guy to want to find a girl and settle down in a nice heterosexual relationship?

ERICA: Yeah! Especially an 18-year-old virgin! At 18, you’re supposed to play the field, sow your seeds, boy. If you happen to find a girl willing to put out more than once for you, you might have a relationship, but that’s not “love”. If you’re looking for a girl to take you off the menu, you’re not looking for a girlfriend, you’re looking for a beard.

MARTIN: Wow. That is the saddest thing I have ever heard anyone say. You’ve never had a real boyfriend, have you?

ERICA: I’ve had lots of boyfriends–

MARTIN: Have you? Or have you had guys who took advantage of you?

ERICA: Isn’t that kind of the definition of a boyfriend?

MARTIN: No. It’s not.

ERICA: It’s okay. It’s not like they’re doing it against my will. I want them to take advantage of me. The real question now is, do you want to take advantage of me?

MARTIN: You know, if it’s not against your will, it’s not really the same as taking advantage of you.

ERICA: Then don’t think of it as not being against my will.

MARTIN: I think there are too many negatives going around here–

ERICA: Well, then why don’t you think positive?

MARTIN: …

ERICA: Wow. No wonder you’re still a virgin, I am–could I be any more throwing myself at you?

MARTIN: It’s just, I don’t know, are you doing this because you’re trying to prove a point?

ERICA: Or maybe I’m trying to get to the point… Do you want me? Huh? Don’t you want me? Oh. Oh, there we go. Maybe you’re not gay after all.

MARTIN: Maybe not.


Hamlet in the Undiscovered Country

I closed mine eyes and thought the rest was silence.
Yet here I stir and ope them—now awake,
A brave new world awaits me. Yet which is it?
The scent of sea-life richly fills the air
As waves crash o’er my feet—is this my fate?

Where am I? What dreams have found me
Now I lie in wait? It seems so real. It seems—
But semblance is unseemly. I must know
If this be heav’n or hell or yet some other
Place—will I find my father? Are these the slower
Fires that burn our sins away? Yet oh—
Could I not live inside these waves that lap my feet…

Where is my mother? Did she not come before?
She did not know mine uncle’s plans, so, guiltless,
Might have risen up while I embrace
This gentle burn a little while. Yet where’s my uncle?
Where is that King who slew his brother so?
The man I should have dueled. Is he around?
I glance about me, up the beach, but no—
I am alone in death as are we all,
Though I took so many with me. Him
And her and the nun who loved me and her father,
Her brother who slew me, and my friends from school—

This can’t be Purgatory. Though it smells so sweet,
I am in Hell. Heaven and Earth must I remember.
Then must my uncle be here, too. But where?
And why? He’s where I put him for my father,
As I swore—must I still meet him in our just rewards?
I stand and scan my destiny.
Rough winds do blow in from this briny Styx
Are these the winds of Hell? Where is the Devil?
Where is my tormentor, come to gloat?
What are these trees with leaves so wide, so green
And get so foreign to our Danish shores?
If this be Hell, why shines the sun so bright?
Where am I?

But soft! I hear a hustle and a bustle
‘Round the corner by the trees.
Is’t a man? That cannot be, oh, no—
Some shade that once was man, perhaps, but now?
Nay, there’s a figure—form’d of mist, I’ld say.
A woman, and one of such design to set
The heav’ns aflame if clouds could burn as men’s hearts do.
Yet why so dim? Were you not made of that
Same flesh as I? Are we not alike,
Whatever the likeness we may bear?
But stay! I’d speak with thee anon!
I’d have news of thee, whether I am right
To doubt the blessing of my fate, the beauty
That surrounds me in your fair country. Stay—
But the airy spirit has no replies for me.

Am I? Do I yet breathe? Does this, my flesh,
Too solid still, yet bear the weight of life?
Or has time come for me with slings and arrows
To make me naught? Am I a spirit, too?
What dreams have come? What visions now assail
My desp’rate mind to make it fester?

I must inland from the sea. The waves
Give me no answer. Go, then, spirit, hie thee,
Be thou rank or bonny, hie—I’ll follow thee
To th’ end of this brave new world and see
What Man or Nature has in mind for me.