KIMBERLY: Whatcha doin’?
DWIGHT: … Doodling…
KIMBERLY: Are you doing Math?
DWIGHT: I’ve always been taught to say no to Math.
KIMBERLY: That’s Meth.
DWIGHT: Ooooh. That makes more sense.
KIMBERLY: Seriously, though.
DWIGHT: Study hall is for silently studying, isn’t it?
KIMBERLY: Have you met Ms. Kelly? She doesn’t care. It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.
DWIGHT: Do you know Marjorie Robbins?
KIMBERLY: Isn’t she a cheerleader?
DWIGHT: She’s a lot more than that.
KIMBERLY: Why? Do you have a crush on her or something? I mean, not that it’s my business or anything, but you brought it up.
DWIGHT: There’s just a lot of stuff going on.
KIMBERLY: Stuff that has to do with Marjorie Addams? Is she good at Math?
DWIGHT: I think so.
KIMBERLY: What does this have to do with anything?
DWIGHT: I think she may be gay. Like, a lesbian.
KIMBERLY: … OK…
DWIGHT: So, given that—
KIMBERLY: Didn’t she date that guy Rick?
DWIGHT: Because no gay person has ever dated a straight person, either as a smoke-screen or an experiment—
KIMBERLY: I heard she broke up with him because he was gay. ‘Cause he wouldn’t, like… put out. Put in?
DWIGHT: Like I said, smoke screen. According to Rick, she was totally cold, completely uninterested in anything physical, then one day, out of nowhere, she pounced.
KIMBERLY: Sounds like loser patriarchy bullshit to me.
DWIGHT: I’m not ruling that out, but there are other things going on here that don’t add up.
KIMBERLY: Hold on—that’s what you’re doing?
DWIGHT: I’m trying to figure out exactly what’s going on here, socially.
KIMBERLY: I thought you said you were doing Math.
DWIGHT: If you’ll recall, you were the one who said I was doing Math. And then I made fun of you.
KIMBERLY: Thanks. Thanks for clearing that up.
DWIGHT: Don’t mention it.
KIMBERLY: It’s just a little bit weird, you know? A little bit sketchy.
DWIGHT: You’re the one snooping.
KIMBERLY: Oh, I’m snooping? You’re meddling.
DWIGHT: No, this is just… a thought experiment. I don’t really have a dog in this fight, but considering all the different things going on here, I thought this might be a good environment to test some theories of mine.
KIMBERLY: Right. Because that doesn’t sound even more sketchy.
KIMBERLY: All right, fine, I’ll bite.
DWIGHT: You’ve heard of love triangles, right?
DWIGHT: You know how a triangle is supposed to be the strongest shape?
KIMBERLY: Might’ve heard something like that.
DWIGHT: Well, technically, a line would be stronger, if it were pointed the right direction. But a line doesn’t count as a shape. A line would just be two people who are interested in each other. Or who aren’t. Or one of them is interested, and one isn’t. Fairly simple. But then you look at a triangle—
KIMBERLY: Things get more complicated?
DWIGHT: And then you get this.
KIMBERLY: OK, what am I looking at here?
DWIGHT: It’s a theoretical model: a love-dodecahedron.
KIMBERLY: Um. Why?
DWIGHT: Because two dimensions weren’t enough to think about this.
KIMBERLY: Oh God.
DWIGHT: And part of the reason for that is because some of the actants behave differently.
KIMBERLY: What does that mean?
DWIGHT: Well, love is supposed to be directional, right? Heteronormativity would suggest that a love arrow can only go from a male actant to a female actant and back again. Now, the typical male harem mentality means that multiple arrows might come out from the same male agent to a wide variety of different female patients, but they’ll always go male to female, and a similar process would be true for women.
KIMBERLY: Assuming heteronormativity.
DWIGHT: Assuming heteronormativity, correct. Now, if that were the case, that would be complicated enough, but in addition to that, we have to include the possibility that some of the actants might be gay, i.e. not display this heteronormative tendency. Male actants sending out arrows to other male actants, female to female.
KIMBERLY: Not to mention bisexual.
DWIGHT: … Dear Gods, you’re right!
KIMBERLY: Don’t mention it.
DWIGHT: See, if it weren’t for Marjorie Addams, I would have no problem arranging the entire configuration in two simple columns, male and female, but with her, there would have to be retroflex arrows—boomerangs, if you will—and then if what they say about Kenny is true—
KIMBERLY: Kenny is totally gay.
DWIGHT: That remains to be seen!
KIMBERLY: Oh, come on. Kenny is totally gay.
DWIGHT: Oh, Gods…
DWIGHT: What about trans people? If an arrow goes from a bisexual person to a trans person, that’s probably fine—
KIMBERLY: Not necessarily.
KIMBERLY: Just because you’re bi doesn’t mean you’re attracted to everyone.
DWIGHT: You’re right. That would be pan—
KIMBERLY: And then there would be asexuals.
DWIGHT: They would just be dead ends.
KIMBERLY: No arrows departing.
DWIGHT: But they could still receive them.
KIMBERLY: Just because a person is asexual, though, doesn’t mean they’re non-romantic.
DWIGHT: It would complicate matters, though. Eugh.
KIMBERLY: Why are you doing this?
KIMBERLY: What’s in this for you?
DWIGHT: I told you. It’s a theoretical model.
KIMBERLY: Why don’t I see your name on here, though?
KIMBERLY: This is me prying, by the way.
DWIGHT: I have no dog in this fight.
KIMBERLY: Are you asexual?
DWIGHT: No… I just…
KIMBERLY: Nothing in your quiver?
DWIGHT: I keep missing. I’m a terrible shot. Probably because the consensus is to say no to Math, and anyone who uses it.
KIMBERLY: That’s not true.
DWIGHT: Isn’t it, though?
KIMBERLY: No. It isn’t. Here.
DWIGHT: What’s that?
KIMBERLY: An arrow. Think about it.