DOUGLASS: Hey! Hey, you! Yeah, you! Girl, where you goin’ so fast?
LAURA: I… nowhere?
DOUGLASS: Shit, girl don’t even know how to lie right.
LAURA: I’m going home, all right? I’m going home.
DOUGLASS: Hold on, was that a hesitation? Shit, you really think I’m gonna try something, don’t you?
LAURA: I don’t know–
DOUGLASS: Man, I been sitting here twenty minutes, waiting on this damn bus to get here, and every white girl, and every white boy that’s passed me by, look at this, this is what they do, they come up here, and they see me sitting here in the bus stop and they walk–look at this!–they walk outside, off the sidewalk, out into the street ‘cause of the damn black man sitting in the bus stop. ‘Cause everybody knows, if there’s a black man sitting in a bus stop, you best watch the fuck out.
LAURA: OK, can I say something?
DOUGLASS: Girl, you want something said, say it to the newspaper–they’ll listen to you!
LAURA: What do you want from me? Huh? You want me to smile? Why? Because that’s how we do it here in the South? Trinity’s Field is not that small of a town, I’m sorry, I don’t know you, I don’t have to smile, so I don’t, and you know why?
DOUGLASS: Oh, I know why.
LAURA: Oh, you do?
DOUGLASS: Yeah, I know why.
LAURA: I don’t think you do. Is it because you’re black?
DOUGLASS: Yeah, it’s ‘cause I’m black!
LAURA: It’s not because you’re black.
DOUGLASS: Oh, it’s not?
LAURA: It’s because you’re male.
DOUGLASS: … Nuh-uhn.
LAURA: Oh, it’s not?
DOUGLASS: Nuh-uhn, I know you white girls–
LAURA: Oh, you do?
DOUGLASS: Yes, I do! Yes, I do, Miss America, conquered the damn world!
LAURA: Oh, I conquered the world?
DOUGLASS: If I was white, if I was a white dude, man, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.
LAURA: I love how you know me better than I know myself, that’s, really, that’s so rare to find in a person.
DOUGLASS: If I was white, you’d already be on me, girl. Why can’t you just admit it?
LAURA: See, that right there. That right there is why I didn’t make eye contact. That, right there, is why I wanted to make it perfectly clear to you that I did not want to strike up any kind of conversation, but I guess it’s both our lucky days, because guess what? I’m on my period and I am not taking this bullshit from any man today, black, white or motherfucking purple.
DOUGLASS: See, why you gotta bring the period thing into it?
LAURA: Because apparently, that’s the only way to get across to you men that I don’t want to have sex with you! That sex is not something that I’m always thinking about. Be honest here. Are you always thinking about sex? I see you hesitating, because you think it’s a trick question, but it’s really not. Are you thinking about sex when you’re taking a dump?
DOUGLASS: Ew! What? That’s nasty!
LAURA: I bet you’re not thinking about blowjobs when you’re eating a banana, either!
DOUGLASS: Ooh! Damn, you went there!
LAURA: Oh, I’m gonna fucking go there. Shove your dick in my face one more time, I will bite it clean off. Even if I choke on it!
LAURA: That’s right.
DOUGLASS: Still a fucking racist, though.
LAURA: Jesus fuck!
DOUGLASS: No, you ain’t gonna tell me that shit’s not some micro-aggression crap. You see me, a big black man, and what is the first thing you assume? You assume I’m gonna shove my motherfucking dick in your face–you said it!
LAURA: You were the one who brought up sex!
DOUGLASS: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah–
LAURA: You were the one who said that if you were white, I would fuck you. And that is not true. That is fucking misogynist slander.
DOUGLASS: For real?
LAURA: Just because I’m a woman, doesn’t mean that I want to fuck you. It doesn’t even mean that I want to fuck! That’s why I didn’t look at you!
DOUGLASS: Oh, you didn’t look at me, because you thought I might rape you?
LAURA: That, sadly enough, is always a possibility.
DOUGLASS: You got pepper-spray on you? Mace? Rape-whistle?
LAURA: Why the fuck would you ask me that?
DOUGLASS: Hey, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Hey–whoa!
LAURA: Back the fuck off. If a woman avoids you on the street, it is not okay to come after her like this.
DOUGLASS: I’m sorry, ma’am, I apologize.
LAURA: Demanding that someone smile, accosting them when they don’t want to talk to you, that is street harassment, and it. Is. Not. Okay. OK?
DOUGLASS: I just wanted someone to talk to me. Not even that, man, I just wanted someone to acknowledge that I am a person. A person. Not… not some threat, not some walking… bomb. A rabid dog.
LAURA: I’m sorry I pulled my pepper-spray on you.
DOUGLASS: I’m sorry I–
LAURA: Hold on, I’m not sorry for pulling my pepper-spray–you were being fucking creepy!
DOUGLASS: Here we go again.
LAURA: Look, I’m not saying you’re a creep. Chances are, you’re a really nice guy. But the risk, if you’re not? It’s too much. And what the FUCK were you thinking, asking me if I have pepper-spray on me?
DOUGLASS: You obviously thought I was a threat!
LAURA: You are a threat! You’re a man, and I don’t know you! And I’m not going to apologize for committing a microaggression–which, by the way, sounds like about the whitest thing either of us has said in this entire conversation–
DOUGLASS: You were the one who threatened me–
LAURA: You have been threatening me since the minute you called out to me, and the fact that you don’t know that… I’m not sorry. You can go ahead and think whatever horrible, “racist” or whatever label you want to put on me, that’s fine. That’s fine. ‘Cause I’m labeling you, too.
DOUGLASS: I’m sorry. All right? I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.
LAURA: “Uncomfortable” isn’t the same thing as “threatened”. So I guess maybe I should apologize, too. I’m sorry for overreacting.
DOUGLASS: Nah, it’s cool.
LAURA: We cool?
DOUGLASS: Yeah. Yeah, we cool.
LAURA: Can I go now?
DOUGLASS: Oh, you wanna go?
LAURA: Yeah, do I–do I have your permission?
DOUGLASS: Oh, you want my permission, now? Wow! Aw, white girl think she needs my permission! Snap, y’all.
LAURA: Don’t make me mace you.