Be a Man

ENZO: Hey! Amice! What’s all the stuff on your porch—Holy fuck. What’s this you’re wearing? Ha?

JORDAN: Oh, nothing, I was just—

ENZO: Nothing? This doesn’t look like nothing, friend, this looks like something, I think. This looks like a whole lotta something!

JORDAN: I didn’t know you were coming.

ENZO: Oh, I see. Well, that makes it all all right, then, doesn’t it?

JORDAN: OK. I’m sorry, but what exactly is “not all right” here?

ENZO: With what you’re wearing?

JORDAN: Uh-huh.

ENZO: Other than the fact that… it’s a dress?

JORDAN: What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with me wearing a dress? In my own house? Huh?

ENZO: Other than the fact that uh… you’re not a woman?

JORDAN: Why does that matter? No, seriously, why does that matter to you?

ENZO: Oh, it makes absolutely no difference to me.

JORDAN: Oh, really? So you’re okay with it?

ENZO: Why shouldn’t I be? But uh… I do think I should ask…

JORDAN: Yes?

ENZO: Why are you wearing a dress like a woman?

JORDAN: I’m not wearing a dress like a woman, I’m wearing a dress as myself.

ENZO: As yourself?

JORDAN: Yes.

ENZO: Why?

JORDAN: Because I like it, OK?

ENZO: OK! OK. Suit yourself. Or uh… well, dress yourself, anyway. But you still haven’t answered about the stuff on your porch.

JORDAN: Getting rid of it. Getting rid of all the negativity out of my life.

ENZO: By wearing a dress?

JORDAN: By doing what I want, for my reasons.

ENZO: You think that will make you happy?

JORDAN: I do, actually, thank you.

ENZO: You know, you’re never going to get a girlfriend, wearing that thing.

JORDAN: Honestly, if a girl doesn’t want me when I’m wearing this dress, then she doesn’t really want me.

ENZO: As long as we’re clear on that.

JORDAN: And as long as we’re being clear, let’s be clear on someting else, too: not all women conform to your patriarchal heteronormative bullshit.

ENZO: Fair enough. I wish you luck finding such a girl.

JORDAN: Sometimes, I just want to punc—

ENZO: Are you really getting rid of that DVD-player?

JORDAN: It doesn’t work.

ENZO: You’ve tried fixing it?

JORDAN: I have another one—look, if you want it, you’re welcome to try it out.

ENZO: It just seems to me like change is a way of giving up. You know? You’ve never been able to make your life work as a man, so what? You’re going to try to be a woman.

JORDAN: Oh my God, you think you’re so smart. Look, again, I am not trying to be a woman! This is not a gender transition. This is me, as a man, wearing a dress.

ENZO: Men don’t wear dresses.

JORDAN: Watch me.

ENZO: I have been. You look ridiculous.

JORDAN: I didn’t ask you!

ENZO: Well, actually, you just did. What? You want to fight? You want to fight me? Girl?

JORDAN: I’m not going to fight you.

ENZO: Is it because you’re a girl?

JORDAN: Holy fuck, I am not a girl—

ENZO: No, no, I understand. You would feel guilty hitting me because I’m not allowed to hit back, I understand.

JORDAN: You are enjoying this entirely too much.

ENZO: Am I not supposed to enjoy my good friend discovering these things about himself?

JORDAN: Oh, don’t do that.

ENZO: What? What did I do?

JORDAN: I know you. You… Forget it.

ENZO: I see. You want me to be serious. Because you are so serious, too, in your dress. Oh, yes! You know, I have always liked the word “brandish”, but as you see, I am an unarmed man. Fine, you want me to be serious? I am concerned. Not because you are any kind of abomination, I don’t believe in these things—I am concerned because I do not think you know what you want.

JORDAN: How would you know what I want?

ENZO: I know you, Jordan. You are not this person. You may want to be, but you do not have the stamina. You have a good heart and trust the world too much. This dress you wear, this is a challenge to the world—the whole world, Jordan! You will not be content just to argue with me. But you will not win against the world. Not even in the heart of a woman you want.

JORDAN: Let me get this straight. You’re telling me… I’m not man enough to pull off this dress?

ENZO: This is exactly what I’m saying.

JORDAN: Bring it on.