ANDREA: So. That happened.
ADRIAN: I noticed. I was there.
ANDREA: Were you, though?
ANDREA: Imagine that.
ADRIAN: Imagining it. That was fun.
ADRIAN: Yeah. Why—didn’t you…
ANDREA: I mean…
ADRIAN: Oh, God.
ANDREA: I mean, didn’t not—
ADRIAN: Shit, I’m sorry—
ANDREA: No, please. Shit. Geez.
ADRIAN: I just wish that… you know…
ANDREA: Don’t worry about it.
ADRIAN: Should we talk about it?
ADRIAN: I mean, isn’t that a thing? That people, you know…
ADRIAN: So you don’t?
ANDREA: Do you?
ADRIAN: How did we get here?
ANDREA: You mean last night?
ADRIAN: I guess we could start there.
ANDREA: You don’t wanna start there?
ADRIAN: How do you feel about me?
ANDREA: You first. See? Not so easy, is it?
ADRIAN: I mean, I like you.
ADRIAN: But what does that even mean, right?
ANDREA: Of course.
ADRIAN: Do you like me?
ANDREA: Does that help?
ANDREA: So what do you want to talk about?
ADRIAN: You really didn’t enjoy it?
ANDREA: Why does that matter to you?
ADRIAN: Wasn’t it your first time?
ANDREA: More or less.
ADRIAN: What’s that supposed to mean?
ANDREA: I mean, I’ve been with a girl.
ADRIAN: Wait, what?
ANDREA: You didn’t know that?
ANDREA: Does that matter to you?
ADRIAN: I mean… but that’s different, though, right?
ANDREA: Not really.
ADRIAN: Are you serious?
ANDREA: Why should it be different?
ADRIAN: How can it possibly be the same?
ANDREA: Oh, come on, are you really that superficial?
ADRIAN: So there are differences?
ADRIAN: Deep down, it’s the same, but there are superficial differences?
ANDREA: Are you serious?
ADRIAN: Am I wrong? Help me out here.
ANDREA: Why does it matter to you?
ADRIAN: I don’t know. I just feel like…
ANDREA: You feel responsible.
ANDREA: Oh, come on. Seriously?
ADRIAN: Why shouldn’t I?
ANDREA: Well, for starters, it’s not your body.
ADRIAN: That’s not what I meant. Look—
ANDREA: Then what did you mean?
ADRIAN: I care about you.
ANDREA: Do you?
ADRIAN: Isn’t that what I just said? Isn’t that what I’ve been saying?
ANDREA: Well, I’m telling you not to worry about it. You’re still worrying about it.
ADRIAN: I mean—
ANDREA: Why do you care? I said it was fine.
ADRIAN: What happens next?
ADRIAN: With us.
ADRIAN: Come on. I just… I need to know. You owe me that.
ANDREA: I owe you?
ADRIAN: Don’t you? Weren’t you the one who said that happened? It did happen, didn’t it? So what’s next?
ANDREA: What do you want to be next? You want me to be your girlfriend?
ADRIAN: Is that what you want?
ANDREA: Jesus Chr—I asked you first!
ADRIAN: I asked you first how you feel about this!
ANDREA: Yeah, and I answered.
ADRIAN: No, you didn’t. Well… not… Am I making you uncomfortable?
ANDREA: I just don’t want to put a label on this.
ADRIAN: On what?
ANDREA: On this.
ADRIAN: On our relationship.
ANDREA: This is not a relationship.
ADRIAN: Bullshit. No, I’m sorry, we are two people having the latest in a series of emotionally charged discussions, if that doesn’t qualify as a relationship, then just… fucking English language.
ANDREA: Fine. Our “relationship”. But can we just…
ADRIAN: Are we friends, at least?
ADRIAN: Friends with benefits? What?
ANDREA: I just don’t…
ADRIAN: Because you didn’t enjoy it?
ANDREA: I mean, I didn’t not enjoy it.
ADRIAN: But you don’t want to do it again?
ANDREA: Why do I have to make that decision now?
ADRIAN: You don’t want to talk, you don’t want to make a decision. Maybe I should just go.
ANDREA: Wait. Why can’t we just…
ADRIAN: What do you want from me?
ANDREA: Can’t we just hang out?
ADRIAN: As friends?
ANDREA: As friends.
ADRIAN: Are you saying it was a mistake?
ANDREA: I don’t know. Are you?
ADRIAN: I enjoyed it.
ADRIAN: I enjoyed it and you didn’t.
ANDREA: Oh my God. Is it—I mean, is it like a macho thing? Like you have to prove to yourself that you’re a man—
ADRIAN: It’s not about being “a man”. I like you. I like you and… I just want you to enjoy… Are you a lesbian?
ADRIAN: Are you sure?
ANDREA: I… I mean, I’m bi, but—
ADRIAN: Are you sure?
ANDREA: Pretty sure, yeah.
ADRIAN: Even though you’ve never… enjoyed…
ANDREA: I’m kind of surprised it took you that long to get there.
ADRIAN: I just didn’t want to think about it—but you’re not?
ADRIAN: I want you to want to have sex with me. Again. That’s why I care so much.
ANDREA: Because you want to have sex with me again?
ADRIAN: … Because I enjoyed it?
ADRIAN: I don’t…
ANDREA: Are you in love with me? Why do you want to have sex with me?
ADRIAN: Because I enjoyed it!
ANDREA: Why did you want to have sex with me in the first place? Was it because you thought I was hot? See, this is not a relationship. This is why I didn’t want to talk about it.
ADRIAN: Why did you want to have sex with me?
ANDREA: I didn’t. Oh, come on, stop that. I already said, I didn’t not want to do it. I just didn’t…
ADRIAN: You didn’t say no.
ANDREA: Exactly. I just didn’t say no.
ADRIAN: But you didn’t say yes, either, did you?
ANDREA: Is that what’s been bothering you?
ADRIAN: Why the fuck would that not bother me? What kind of fucking person would I be if that didn’t fucking bother me?
ANDREA: Can we be clear about this? What happened was not a rape. I’m just gonna go ahead and just lay that out. If it had been, first of all, I wouldn’t be defending you to yourself, and I sure as fuck wouldn’t have tried to keep yoou here when you were talking about leaving. In fact, I probably would’ve left myself to get campus security. You did not rape me just because I didn’t give you verbal consent, so if that’s what’s bothering you, you can just not, ‘cause I don’t care, that’s not a thing. Forget it. But I’d be lying if I said it was something that I wanted—I guess maybe in the moment, but like… anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed it.
ADRIAN: How the hell is that supposed to make me feel?
ANDREA: I don’t care how it makes you feel, that’s how I feel.
ADRIAN: You say you wanted it in the moment?
ANDREA: Do we have to talk about this right now?
ADRIAN: If I’m going to stay here, yes. Were you… what, curious?
ANDREA: “Carried away.” That’s more how I’d put it. Think of it as a compliment to your… whatever.
ADRIAN: Am I a substitute?
ANDREA: Am I?
ADRIAN: You didn’t… not like it, didn’t think it was… bad? And you obviously don’t dislike me. Yet. Is there something there that we can…
ANDREA: Not if you keep talking about it. Can we please just put on the TV?