The Definition of Terms

ANDREA: Well.

ADRIAN: Yeah.

ANDREA: So. That happened.

ADRIAN: I noticed. I was there.

ANDREA: Were you, though?

ADRIAN: Yup.

ANDREA: Imagine that.

ADRIAN: Imagining it. That was fun.

ANDREA: Yeah?

ADRIAN: Yeah. Why—didn’t you…

ANDREA: I mean…

ADRIAN: Oh, God.

ANDREA: I mean, didn’t not—

ADRIAN: Shit, I’m sorry—

ANDREA: No, please. Shit. Geez.

ADRIAN: I just wish that… you know…

ANDREA: Don’t worry about it.

ADRIAN: Should we talk about it?

ANDREA: Um…

ADRIAN: I mean, isn’t that a thing? That people, you know…

ANDREA: Sometimes.

ADRIAN: So you don’t?

ANDREA: Do you?

ADRIAN: How did we get here?

ANDREA: You mean last night?

ADRIAN: I guess we could start there.

ANDREA: You don’t wanna start there?

ADRIAN: How do you feel about me?

ANDREA: You first. See? Not so easy, is it?

ADRIAN: I mean, I like you.

ANDREA: Sure.

ADRIAN: But what does that even mean, right?

ANDREA: Of course.

ADRIAN: Do you like me?

ANDREA: Yeah.

ADRIAN: OK.

ANDREA: Does that help?

ADRIAN: No.

ANDREA: So what do you want to talk about?

ADRIAN: You really didn’t enjoy it?

ANDREA: Why does that matter to you?

ADRIAN: Wasn’t it your first time?

ANDREA: More or less.

ADRIAN: What’s that supposed to mean?

ANDREA: I mean, I’ve been with a girl.

ADRIAN: Wait, what?

ANDREA: You didn’t know that?

ADRIAN: No!

ANDREA: Does that matter to you?

ADRIAN: I mean… but that’s different, though, right?

ANDREA: Not really.

ADRIAN: No?

ANDREA: No.

ADRIAN: Are you serious?

ANDREA: Why should it be different?

ADRIAN: How can it possibly be the same?

ANDREA: Oh, come on, are you really that superficial?

ADRIAN: So there are differences?

ANDREA: What?

ADRIAN: Deep down, it’s the same, but there are superficial differences?

ANDREA: Are you serious?

ADRIAN: Am I wrong? Help me out here.

ANDREA: Why does it matter to you?

ADRIAN: I don’t know. I just feel like…

ANDREA: You feel responsible.

ADRIAN: Yeah.

ANDREA: Oh, come on. Seriously?

ADRIAN: Why shouldn’t I?

ANDREA: Well, for starters, it’s not your body.

ADRIAN: That’s not what I meant. Look—

ANDREA: Then what did you mean?

ADRIAN: I care about you.

ANDREA: Do you?

ADRIAN: Isn’t that what I just said? Isn’t that what I’ve been saying?

ANDREA: Well, I’m telling you not to worry about it. You’re still worrying about it.

ADRIAN: I mean—

ANDREA: Why do you care? I said it was fine.

ADRIAN: What happens next?

ANDREA: Next?

ADRIAN: With us.

ANDREA: Us?

ADRIAN: Come on. I just… I need to know. You owe me that.

ANDREA: I owe you?

ADRIAN: Don’t you? Weren’t you the one who said that happened? It did happen, didn’t it? So what’s next?

ANDREA: What do you want to be next? You want me to be your girlfriend?

ADRIAN: Is that what you want?

ANDREA: Jesus Chr—I asked you first!

ADRIAN: I asked you first how you feel about this!

ANDREA: Yeah, and I answered.

ADRIAN: No, you didn’t. Well… not… Am I making you uncomfortable?

ANDREA: I just don’t want to put a label on this.

ADRIAN: On what?

ANDREA: On this.

ADRIAN: On our relationship.

ANDREA: This is not a relationship.

ADRIAN: Bullshit. No, I’m sorry, we are two people having the latest in a series of emotionally charged discussions, if that doesn’t qualify as a relationship, then just… fucking English language.

ANDREA: Fine. Our “relationship”. But can we just…

ADRIAN: Are we friends, at least?

ANDREA: Sure.

ADRIAN: Friends with benefits? What?

ANDREA: I just don’t…

ADRIAN: Because you didn’t enjoy it?

ANDREA: I mean, I didn’t not enjoy it.

ADRIAN: But you don’t want to do it again?

ANDREA: Why do I have to make that decision now?

ADRIAN: You don’t want to talk, you don’t want to make a decision. Maybe I should just go.

ANDREA: Wait. Why can’t we just…

ADRIAN: What do you want from me?

ANDREA: Can’t we just hang out?

ADRIAN: As friends?

ANDREA: As friends.

ADRIAN: Are you saying it was a mistake?

ANDREA: I don’t know. Are you?

ADRIAN: I enjoyed it.

ANDREA: So?

ADRIAN: I enjoyed it and you didn’t.

ANDREA: Oh my God. Is it—I mean, is it like a macho thing? Like you have to prove to yourself that you’re a man—

ADRIAN: It’s not about being “a man”. I like you. I like you and… I just want you to enjoy… Are you a lesbian?

ANDREA: No.

ADRIAN: Are you sure?

ANDREA: I… I mean, I’m bi, but—

ADRIAN: Are you sure?

ANDREA: Pretty sure, yeah.

ADRIAN: Even though you’ve never… enjoyed…

ANDREA: I’m kind of surprised it took you that long to get there.

ADRIAN: I just didn’t want to think about it—but you’re not?

ANDREA: No!

ADRIAN: I want you to want to have sex with me. Again. That’s why I care so much.

ANDREA: Because you want to have sex with me again?

ADRIAN: Yes.

ANDREA: Why?

ADRIAN: … Because I enjoyed it?

ANDREA: Why?

ADRIAN: I don’t…

ANDREA: Are you in love with me? Why do you want to have sex with me?

ADRIAN: Because I enjoyed it!

ANDREA: Why did you want to have sex with me in the first place? Was it because you thought I was hot? See, this is not a relationship. This is why I didn’t want to talk about it.

ADRIAN: Why did you want to have sex with me?

ANDREA: I didn’t. Oh, come on, stop that. I already said, I didn’t not want to do it. I just didn’t…

ADRIAN: You didn’t say no.

ANDREA: Exactly. I just didn’t say no.

ADRIAN: But you didn’t say yes, either, did you?

ANDREA: Is that what’s been bothering you?

ADRIAN: Why the fuck would that not bother me? What kind of fucking person would I be if that didn’t fucking bother me?

ANDREA: Can we be clear about this? What happened was not a rape. I’m just gonna go ahead and just lay that out. If it had been, first of all, I wouldn’t be defending you to yourself, and I sure as fuck wouldn’t have tried to keep yoou here when you were talking about leaving. In fact, I probably would’ve left myself to get campus security. You did not rape me just because I didn’t give you verbal consent, so if that’s what’s bothering you, you can just not, ‘cause I don’t care, that’s not a thing. Forget it. But I’d be lying if I said it was something that I wanted—I guess maybe in the moment, but like… anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

ADRIAN: How the hell is that supposed to make me feel?

ANDREA: I don’t care how it makes you feel, that’s how I feel.

ADRIAN: You say you wanted it in the moment?

ANDREA: Do we have to talk about this right now?

ADRIAN: If I’m going to stay here, yes. Were you… what, curious?

ANDREA: “Carried away.” That’s more how I’d put it. Think of it as a compliment to your… whatever.

ADRIAN: Am I a substitute?

ANDREA: Am I?

ADRIAN: You didn’t… not like it, didn’t think it was… bad? And you obviously don’t dislike me. Yet. Is there something there that we can…

ANDREA: Not if you keep talking about it. Can we please just put on the TV?

ADRIAN: OK.